French press review 5 April 2011

Is there any hope left for France's Socialist Party? What are the French up to in Côte d'Ivoire? Is a soldier who needs a servant to carry his kitbag capable of defending Singapore? And watch out for your dentures when you bite a French sausage.

Centrist Le Monde and business daily Les Echos both give front-page honours to the French Socialist Party's project for the next few months, leading up to the 2012 elections. That project will be launched later today.

You might think that the best thing the Socialists could do would be to cut down on infighting between the thousands of presidential candidates the party manages to spring every time there's an election.

In fairness, party leader and presidential candidate, Martine Aubry, did call in all the other heavyweights for consultation while preparing the document to be published this Tuesday.

"Socialists attempt to reconcile hope and hardship" is Le Monde's rough summary. It's not an easy trick, since the left have somehow to create 300,000 jobs for the currently unemployed young, build affordable housing, keep the health service healthy, and make education work for everyone. That's the "hope" part.

The "hardship" comes from the fact that, in order to be credible, even by the broad standards politicians use in the definition of credibility, the Socialists can't spend more than 25 billion euros, which sounds like a tall order.

Le Monde points out that the French left has been defeated in the past three presidential elections. The centrist daily clearly feels that the right wing can be beaten this time, but only if the opposition show some common sense and solidarity. 

The front pages of Libération and Le Figaro both look to Côte d'Ivoire, with virtually identical headlines announcing that French troops are now involved in the battle of Abidjan, providing support for local fighters who are trying to dislodge Laurent Gbagbo.

Libé's editorial says France is playing a dangerous game, and on two fronts, since the republic is now involved in military action in Libya and in Côte d'Ivoire.

In both cases, Paris can legitimately claim some kind of UN mandate for its actions. In both cases, the need to protect civilians is the prime motivation.

But, wonders Libération, what impact will external force have on the eventual establishment of legitimate government in both countries? Will people respect leaders brought to power using military muscle from outside? 

And speaking of military muscle, Le Figaro reports that rank-and-file soldiers in Singapore routinely make use of servants, often old women, to carry their kit bags and polish their boots.

The debate was launched by the appearance in local papers of a photograph of a young recruit, sauntering along, followed by an unfortunate old lady, tottering under his equipment.

The people of the island nation wonder if men who can't carry a bag of clothes can be depended on to defend the homeland.

The Ministry of Defence has promised an investigation. They should sack the soldiers and give weapons training to the old ladies.

On inside pages, Libération reports on a legal battle between a French sausage-maker and a consumer who claims he broke a tooth on a piece of stone in one of said sausage-maker's sausages.

The piece of quartz, measuring 2.7 millimetres, was allegedly lurking in the meat, just waiting to wreak expensive and painful damage. The former owner of the tooth is claiming 4,700 euros in damages.

The sausage-maker had better watch out. The tooth is legally represented by Emmanuel Ludot, and he has already won a case for damages taken by a woman who slipped on a chip in a fast-food restaurant.

In the wake of the nuclear accident at Fukushima, Berlin has stopped production at Germany's seven oldest reactors, and has now become a net importer of electricity.

The imported power comes from France. Somewhat illogically, most of the French juice the Germans are buying comes from, well, nuclear power stations.

Libération also reports that a cathedral in Holland has just installed 25 new angels, all carved in very traditional marble, just one carrying a very untraditional mobile phone.

According to the sculptor, the phone has just one button, which you can use to call God. Always assuming that he's in credit, and not already on the line to the Pope.